Pirates Don't Eat Vegetables

Ahoy, mateys! I'm One-Eyed Jack, and let me tell ye, there be more to pirate life than just plunderin' and sword fightin'. There be also... *vegetables*. Shiver me timbers, I hate 'em! Most pirates do, actually. We prefer a hearty meal of salted meat, hardtack biscuits, and maybe a bit o' grog. But vegetables? Aye, they be the bane o' a pirate's existence.

Now, I know what ye're thinkin'. 'Vegetables be good for ye, Jack!' And ye be right, landlubber! They be packed with vitamins and minerals and all sorts o' things that make ye strong and healthy. But have ye ever tried to eat broccoli while battenin' down the hatches in a hurricane? It ain't easy. And have ye ever tried to sneak a carrot into yer mouth while dodging cannonballs? It ain't pretty.

But here's the real truth: Pirates, at least the ones on my crew, developed a deep-seated aversion to vegetables a long time ago. I think it began with the scurvy. Back in the Golden Age of Piracy, scurvy was a dreadful illness caused by a lack of Vitamin C, often found in citrus fruits (and vegetables!). So, we always avoided scurvy-causing foods, which, unfortunately, involved many fruits and vegetables. It's a bit of a vicious cycle, innit?

We ain't stupid, though. We know veggies are important. But it's still a struggle, mateys. We've tried everything, ye see! We've tried hidin' them in our stew (my cook tries to be sneaky about it), and we've even tried disguisin' them as something else (one time, he tried to pass off brussels sprouts as small cannonballs!). But it never works. My crew just won't eat it.

Another reason we hate the veggie is, well, many pirates weren't exactly what you'd call... refined, eh? Fresh foods were hard to come by on long voyages. Salting and drying were the norm, and often this process did little to improve the taste of vegetables. The vegetables often ended up wilted, moldy, and generally unfit for consumption. So, we stuck to what we knew: hearty, preserved foods.

So, what's a pirate to do? Well, we're workin' on it. We've started experimenting with different ways to prepare vegetables. We're tryin' to make 'em taste better, ye see. Maybe some day, even One-Eyed Jack will find a vegetable worthy of sailin' into me belly! But until then, it'll always be a hard-fought battle against scurvy and the dreadful taste of broccoli. Avast ye!

But hey, at least we can make a funny story about it, eh? So, until next time, remember, a hearty meal and some laughs always beat the scurvy and the veggies.